17 June 2006

God Damn It!

Japan mulls comeback after whaling defeat

For the love of God, what is the freakin deal with the bloody Japanese obsession with whaling? It's not the 1840s for Christ sake! Why won't they take a clue from, uh, I dunno, *every other country in the whole freakin world* and just let it go!!!

Shortly before I left Tokyo, a student asked me what I thought about eating whale, clearly knowing exactly how every foreigner feels about the issue, but just looking to get a rise out of me. Well, I was certainly not in the mood for any diplomatic beating around the bush that day, let me tell you!

Takashi: "What do you think about eating whales?"
Me: "Well Takashi, it's wrong and people shouldn't do it."
Takashi: "But it's traditional Japanese culture."
Me: "Right, but it's also traditional Japanese culture to wear a kimono. If traditional culture is so important, why aren't wearing a kimono right now?"
Takashi: ". . ." [standard Japanese scilence in response to a direct question]
Takashi: "That's different."
Me: "Why?"
Takashi: ". . ."
Me: "To be honest Takashi, I don't see how it is different. People used to do lots of things in the past that they no longer do anymore because times and attitudes have changed. I think eating whale is one of those things."
Takashi: ". . ."
Me: "Anyway Takashi, open your text to lesson 23..."

Aaah, why why why must Japan always insist on being so contrary!


Anonymous said...

And to think I have all this to look forward to upon my triumphant return to Nippon! Sugoi;)

Tokyo Tintin said...

jase-- but haven't you missed the kentucky fried chicken and sparkling whale-free seas?

Princess Pessimism said...

Eww....i was unaware of traditional japanese whale eating. Thats no good...whaling is bad. I agree. I wouldnt be afraid to say it either...

Tokyo Tintin said...

PP-- yep, they eat it up good! execpt the consumption rates of whale are actually falling and a lot of the whales that they kill for their bullshit "scientific research" are being turned into dogfood because there's no other market for the meat.

how supremely insulting is that; to kill a whale just to turn it into dogfood!? i think we should turn everyone at the japanese fisheries ministry into dogfood if you ask me, for their relentless and idiotic promotion of whaling.

Princess Pessimism said...

Woah....seriously? ....Thats horrible.

It reminds me of when I was "TA"ing in Massachusetts....it was earth week, and we were discussing endangered species. I was trying to explain to them what that meant, and i said "who has a hard time believing that dinosaurs walked on the plant? I know that they did, but i have a hard time picturing it becuase I never saw anything so big. Can you imagine trying to explain to someone in 30 years that killer whales existed, or tigers, panda bears...blah blah blah".....We actually had a really good discussion about it.

And i HATE how it's always in the name of science.

Miss Ash said...

Save the Whales!!

Anonymous said...

Well I say its a problem with whale marketing
I mean they are hardly in fashion any more, Sleek is the new Blubbery. If some whales entered the biggest loser for example. We could have a few teary interviews. You know the type

Whale: "Well you know I have just been feeling picked on, and ostracised by others. They called me fatty fat fat fat and kept on making jokes about how i ate jonah"

That c-list presenter: "And how did that make you feel whaley?"

Whale: "Honestly? Not good. I felt like everybody was against me. I'd just like to take control of my life and get healthy. Just cos im a whale doesnt mean I dont have feelings!"

And suddenly BAM!
Oprah show special
60 minutes
no more whaling

see its all to do with how you advertise yourself
the whales should get an agent

heren chan

Anonymous said...

Oh, Helen, I love you:) That's exactly what "The Biggest Loser" was like. And I totally think a jazzy new image would save our blubbery brethren. Perhaps Brangelina could adopt one??
Dan- come to think of it I have been missing a 2 piece feed and the bucket of lard that comes as a side. Chou oishi, ne?? Oooh, that just got me thinking...a glut of whale meat could be just what KFC is looking for! Think of the hordes that'd swarm down for a Humpback Happy Meal. God, I'm brilliant. xx

Tokyo Tintin said...

jase, heren-chan--

i think you're totally on to something here. animal image consultants are totally the next hottest thing --think of the profit possibilities if we're the first ones to corner the market!

the three of us could pitch a show called "queer eye + fab girl versus the wild kingdom" and do species makeovers. a lot of these animals still think it's like the stone age or something --i mean, hello, fur is so givenchy three seasons ago!! get with the programme already.

a sample exerpt from "Every Cheet-ah My Heart"

Jase: "So cheetah, we're a bit concerned by how people percieve you."
H-C: "According to market research, people like the fast running, but don't like all the killing."
TT: "Um, yeah, the killing thing is like so passé."
H-C: "People feel the killing creates a sense of hosility --like you might not be a friendly animal. They're less likely to come up to you in a bar for example."
Jase: "So, we were thinking, instead of running and killing, why not try just running --like a race? And the winner can get--"
TT: "Soy milk."
Jase: "Yeah, soy milk is so hot right now."
H-C: "Brangelina drink soy milk."
Jase: "Now, the spots..."
TT: "Don't get us wrong, everybody loves animal print, but you should keep it on your upper half only."
Jase: "Wear it with a large open collars to draw attention up to your face and away from your problem areas."
H-C: "A nice A-line skirt in solid, dark colours will hide your hips and thighs and create a slimming silhouette."

Brilliant! We'll be rich!

heren chan said...

ooooh what about a forum for animals throughout literary history where we reinvent either misunderstood or neglected animals from great works of our time, I mean snakes get such a rough deal. All they did in the bible was advocate an apple a day and look what that got them, talk about a bum rap (oooh like eminem after vindaloo) or a literal 50 cent. Either way i was thinking along the lines of me, obviously, as the literary genius, tt you can be the accessories man, jj you have cohesion and bargain hunting (vintage ts) and i think Dr josh might have to make a filmic contribution to bring the show into the 00s.
I was thinking the first episode could be "what not to bear"
So Winnie the pooh and Paddington

hc - so you can see here in this first illustration they really have gone with a minimalist look and for some that works really well but here im not so sure

jj - well hc id have to agree with you, the colouring is a little 70s perma tan which does nothing for the general look i think they are trying to go for, i mean since when did oompa loompa evoke images of simplicity and elegance

tt - I dont know guys, I think slap a vuitton label of him and he would sell for a fortune, its all about marketing and creating demand. A little leather trimming around the collar and cuffs could really add to this whole look.

Dr J - I think the main problem is with modernity, if you take a look at the 1995 film, "piglet's great adventure", you can see that little if anything has been done to update the look but almost 30 years has passed, its a little Joan collins if you ask me. I mean looks need to progress over time otherwise you run the run the risk of looking dated

hc - yes yes that is a very good point and by the way your bum looks great in those jeans, you are running the risk of being dated! But i think the main issue that we are all skirting around here, its a sensitive issue, but really its got to be the belly.
A little less honey and a little more Pilates would do pooh a power of good.

tt - you said it hc and what is with that name, i mean really? Pooh thats so 1930s faux naivetee. It just doesnt cut the mustard anymore

hc - well we might have to keep things moving and have alook at our next photograph, now paddington, should he have been taken out in the london bombing, what are your feelings? Macs and Marmalade? Passe or Passable? TT? JJ?

Tune in next week for Asp Annie...

Anonymous said...

Dan-chan & Pan-chan, I am totally feeling our plans for our feathered and furry friends! And as my childhood dream of becoming a professional pet masseuse is (still) no closer to being *sigh* this could be the animal avenue I'm looking for. I was thinking though of an 'Extreme Makeover' type situation where we take homely animals with no self-esteem (ie whales, elephants, Chairman Miaow) and show them that feeling good about yourself is all to do with unnecessary surgery and superficial platitudes. On television!! I suggest we call it 'The Swan' and....oh, wait a minute....

Dr Philm said...

We need immediate filmic (read:Philmic) action!

Screw Feminism, Marxism, postmodernism, existentialism, bloody Abba-ism, jism-ism, Darling, bloody French Vogue, London Vogue, bloody Tokyo Bogue and all the rest darling! It's time for bloody Animal PR Darling! Bloody AnimalPR-ism!

Ok, but maybe we can do without the "Bloody".

Absolutely, Darling. No Bloody! Gone! Definitely - Gone! Animals Against Blood!

We'll need lights, cameras, music, Sweety - someone call Elton -

ooh and don't forget about the catering, Darling?

Oh yes...catering?...Beluga alright with you Darling? Perfect! And some of those ostrich egg and dolphin fin voullevants, and a platter of panda & penguin tempura! Perfect Darling!!

Let the Revolution Begin! Get Oprah back on the line, tell her to reschedule the Whale spot, and see if we can get Tomcat on board too!

Together, we'll show the world who really broke the camel's back!

Tokyo Tintin said...

i can see we're all at the brink of something revolutionary here. now, what we really need is some capital investment to get things going.

now, i'm prepared to become a high-class call girl. jase, i think you should hit up your rich ex-footballer dad. heren-chan, i have one word for you: gold-digger! you need to go out there and find melbourne's richest 93 year-old and marry him immediately. dr philm, um, ah, ...hmmmn. why don't you just turn around and we can all stare at your ass for moral support.

sounds like a plan to me!

heren chan said...

I second the motion, I'm sure you can earn a fortune as a high class call girl, we could do the Kevin Aucuin thing (how the bloody hell did he spell his name?) and paint you up to look like celebrities. I think you would make a fabulous linda evangelista. Just a touch of blush and a side parting and VIOLA! Instant riches. Jase you might have qualms about scrounging for cash but remember its for the animals, our furry friends (not bob hoskins) need our help and you have to do all you can to contribute. Dr Phil......turn around...no buts...i mean lots of buts...no thats not right oh goddamnit just turn around right now....ahhhhhhhhhhh thats better.
Now lets all head to Alaska I hear the clubbing scene is masssive.