2006 Year In Review

The end of the year is nigh upon us, so it's time for my annual spot of reflection and quiet contemplation which I'm sharing with all of you, my beautiful friends, and, uh, everyone else by posting it here (though I've heard some places in Turkmenistan might not yet have internet).

Every year I like to think back on the people, places and events that make up my own personal Time magazine 'Year In Review.' What makes the highlight reel, what winds up on the cutting room floor? In the spirit of "out-with-the-old," let’s start with the lowlights:

§...While the rest of this list is presented in no particular order, by far and away the worst thing of 2006 was Jase moving back to Australia. I could yimmer-yammer on for reams and crack out the thesaurus to find new words for "bad," but Jase and I both know how much it sucked. Especially the Shinjuku Station part, but also the run up and the aftermath part.

§...Back to Canada Packing Freak-Out. I thought I was doing so well, shipping off boxes far in advance, then I put one thing in my suitcase and realised that there was no way in hell everything was going to fit in there! How can you pack four years of living and shopping into a suitcase? I started to panic, and might have even hyperventilated at one point. The stress was overwhelming.

§...Getting shingles. Blah, I felt like death.

§...Taking a pay cut coming back to Canada.

§...Going home after work to an empty house in April and May.

§...Twice a week help shifts from hell at Nakano Sakaue, featuring the absolute *thickest* students. (Also, though to a lesser extent, help shifts at Nakano Minami and Kami Shakujii; terrible).

§...Reality check coming back to Toronto: the city is dirty, public transit sucks, the shopping is lame.

§...Voice Room with Masaharu (or the voice room in general). For any non-Nihon readers out there, words are not enough to describe the drawn-out torture that is a conversation circle with people who refuse to converse with each other.

§...Being totally rudderless and without direction when I got back to Toronto.

§...Leaving Tokyo, which really felt like my home for four years, and leaving lots of friends from all over the place, knowing it might be a long long time before I saw them again. The Narita Express to the airport was particularly brutal. I think I cried the whole two-hour ride.

Blah! That was a depressing trip down memory lane —Now begone with you bad thoughts! Time for the highlights of the year past, again in no particular order:

‡...Meeting Amazing Race winners BJ and Tyler walking along Yonge Street. They were so friendly and personable, I couldn't believe it! They both gave me big hugs and seemed genuinely interested in chatting with me. By far and away the most amazing Amazing-Racers *ever,* I can't wait to see them in All-Stars next season. TTOW!!

‡...My final day at Nova. Emancipation at last! Never again will I have to deal with the likes of Keiko Minaguchi, Masaharu and Rina, teach TOEIC to idiots, or answer the dreaded question "Why did you come to Japan?" Thank god!

‡...Travel will inevitably always make up part of the "Best Of," and this year was no exception. Quite a diverse year with my overland trip from Beijing to Tokyo, New York jaunt, Algonquin, and of course the Dark Continent. If I had to pick out just one thing, it would be in Ghana as our dilapidated taxi was driving into the countryside after Aflao, though emerald rice fields and swaying coconut trees, sun shining, African highlife music playing on the stereo. A truly perfect moment.

‡...All the absolutely top-quality people I've had the great fortune to meet since coming back here. Toronto may have its drawbacks, but it's the amazingness of the people that really makes it a great place to live. Micheal, Dave, Jolie-kun, Ric and Rob; I'd probably have gone sushi-homesick-crazy and wound up back in Tokyo, desperate and penniless, working the corner of Yasukuni-dōri and Meiji-dōri if it hadn't been for the likes of you guys.

‡...Finding a direction to my life (finally). It's all still up in the air at this point, so knock wood and don't jinx it, but all signs point to me going to back to school (in gay Paree) to become a translator. Fingers crossed — though I think this is definitely got me going somewhere, so watch out; I'm back on track (and back in black).

‡...Sex with models. Okay, only one model –and I know it's really shallow to include it here– but whatever, it was hot.

‡...Oh, and here comes more shallowness: Great shopping buys. Blue jacket, swimsuit, belt-buckle, I think Century 21 might be my new favourite place anywhere, though it's a tough call between that and Gotemba Premium Outlet Mall. I fully admit to being really, really lame, but whatever – I do what I want!

‡...Of course a 2006 highlight would be seeing all my awesome family and friends again after so long away, as well as an exciting renewal of the 'Social Calendar' featuring the long-anticipated return of the annual Island Barbeque and the introduction of Quiz Night. —Thanks you guys for making the Social Calendar the cavalcade of hijinxs I've come to know and love.

‡...After a similar round-up from last year, in which I decided I was too skinny in the chestal-arms region, I resolved to do push-ups and that kind of mild physical exertion, which has actually paid off. Look better, feel better. And as addendum to my new Participaction regime, I spent a tonne of time at the outdoor pool around the corner from my house this summer – so much fun!

‡...You can’t help but love Disneyland, and Tokyo Disney is no exception – especially with Jase and our chō baka antics, like posing for the hidden camera on the Temple of Doom ride (right before the rolling boulder), and eating something from every different “Land” in the park. Jase even went on the teacups, just to make me happy, even though it made him queasy. What a trooper!

“What Was I Thinking? 2006”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

.

That tie doesn’t go with that shirt!

.

.

.
“Best Dressed 2006”
I know this is a re-post, but retro-terrorist chic is so hot this year.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.

"Favourite Photos 2006"

This is my favourite photo of me from the past year

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
..

.

My favourite photo I took in 2006 — Statue of former 'Life President' Kwame Nkrumah at the National Museum in Accra. I don't know what exactly it is about it, but I feel it conveys a lot of emotion.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.

"New Year’s Resolutions"

As per tradition, my New Year’s resolution is always to be more fabulous. First, let’s year-in-review the fabulosity of 2006: black pony-hair shoes; fabulous. One year, four continents; fabulous! This photo of me is pretty fabulous:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Not so fabulous: my job, the commute, emo-robot Nihon-jin staring at me as I cry inconsolably in Shinjuku station (various occasions), shingles scars on my face (thankfully mostly gone now).

I would currently rate my fabulousness level at ‘glitter’ with a dip down to ‘glimmer’ in the aftermath of “Sayonara Nippon.” I’m aiming for a ‘sparkle’ rating in 2007 – ambitious, but I think I can make it.

Best wishes, good luck and rockin' times to all of you in the year ahead. Happy New Year! Bonne Année! ¡Feliz Año Nuevo! 明けましておめでとうございます ! 恭賀新禧!

Japanese for Half-Assed People IV

Chō: 超: (cho): adj. Very

After a long hiatus, Japanese for Half-Assed People returns so that I can start to use this word again in my everyday English and have people understand me. I love this word and used it all the time, it’s so handy and fun: I’m chō tired; this train is chō late; Palau Jeff is chō kawaii.

In a very Japanese one-word-with-opposite-meanings, I thought that ‘chō,’ meaning ‘very’ was short for ‘chotto,’ which means ‘a little bit,’ but this is not the case. Japanese is a chō interesting language!

Doppelgängers

Last weekend my new BFF Joel and I realised that we are actually the same person! Super-freaky!

Let's review the evidence shall we: our birthdays are only six days apart, so we are both dark and brooding, pensive Capricorns. We are both left-handed. We are both essentially 'reverse bananas,' for lack of a better term (white on the outside, yellow on the inside). (Oops! Is that offensive? Whatever— everyone knows I'm actually a Chinese spy who had extensive plastic surgury to infiltrate this Gay Agenda terrorist cell). We are both productive in the mornings. We are both insanely cute (and in uploading this photo I notice that our eyes are even the same colour). Really the list goes on and on.

.

Joel, we are so exactly the same person. All you need now is to live in Tokyo for four years and then people won't even be able to tell us apart — which will be awesome because then we can cruise together for guys with hot, twisted twin fantansies. Sugoi! I can't wait!

.

Hot Survivor Gayness

Alternate title: "Black, Brown, Yellow Power!"

Last night's Survivor: Cook Islands final episode capped off the most action-packed season since All Stars. The ups, the downs, the come-from-behind, Aitu, Raro, great challenges, and the racial divide. Kudos to you Cook Islands!

During the reunion show, Drumboy said "I think JP is gay" —and while the the though that this muy caliente pro volleyball player was a bender never occured to me during the course of the season, a few clicks of the internet confirmed his raging hot festiveness (1, 2, 3). Apparently there's even been rumours circulating that JP and fellow teammate Brad have been having their own tribal council, if you know what i'm saying (1).

In honour of JP's amazing pecs, I present to you a retrospective of lustyful Survivors of yore. Enjoy!

Jeff - Palau

Silas - Africa














Jed - Thailand

Kel - Australia

John - Vanuatu

Aras - Panama
















Burton - Pearl Islands

Johnathan - Palau

Three Things

Thanks to Joel via Dave for keeping me entertained and thinking whilst bored at work.

.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Evangelical Christians
2. Conservatives
3. Male Pattern Baldness

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. Why people are conservative - if no one was ever progressive, we'd all still be cavemen
2. The insanely low production values of Japanese television
3. The appeal of casinos

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. Proper Japanese - none of this half-assed, casual convo only nonsense.
2. How to snowboard. I feel like a lame-o dinosaur with my skis now.
3. Why Jeffery won Project Runway when he had some pieces that were totally ugly and he went over budget! —Uli should have definitely won.

THREE THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Grey and yellow Uniqlo socks
2. Lucky horseshoe belt buckle
3. "Envy" by Gucci

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK - well, I don't have a desk at home and my desk at work is maximally lame, so, three things on my dresser then:
1. Photos of 'the big three'
2. an unhappy plant
3. map of Europe circa 1901 waiting to be framed (I'm such a nerd)

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Travel around the world without leaving the ground (no planes)
2. See a couture fashion show
3. Slut my way from Madrid to Moscow

THREE GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. I'm pretty unflappable; it takes a lot to get my feathers ruffled
2. Independent; e.g. some people don't like to travel alone, I love it! Total freedom
3. Confident; I always feel everything will work out just fine, and when it doesn't, see #1.

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Avoidance. I tend to avoid problems, which in turn causes more problems later on
2. I'm a bad conversationalist – I don't feel comfortable offering things up in many situations
3. Aloof – I'd often rather spend time with myself then make awkward chitchat with acquaintances

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. French Canadian
2. Tintin
3. Nomad

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Jaw
2. Calves (Calfs?)
3. Cheekbones Waist

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. Foreskin – or more correctly, lack thereof
2. Hair on my hands
3. Arms (skinny)

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. Although a staunch left-handist, I bowl with my right hand
2. I never learned to read music and had to cheat all the way through elementary school instrumental music class
3. Currently I've completed 12% of my goal of visiting the whole world.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Awesome. - Used both ironically and non-ironically
2. Vis-à-vis
3. Sugoi!

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
Only three? —Jeez. Well for the time being:
1. Brazil
2. Morocco
3. Tahiti

Where would we be without Nippon?

Oh those kooky Japanese! First they tricked everyone in the world into eating raw fish and driving small cars, now this. What nutty thing will they have us all doing next?



In other news, I was going back through my blog archive and realised that I've spat on Stephen Harper twice since putting him 'On Notice' (1, 2). —What the hell is he still doing there?

Off to the 'Dead to Me' section with you Mr Prime Minister. I don't doubt you'll piss me off again during your tenure, so maybe I'll have to create a new category even worse than 'Dead to Me.' —Any suggestions for names?

Apocalypto

In a word: Vivid.

.

Go see this movie!!

.

I'm putting it straight into consideration for one of my favourite movies of all time.