07 May 2006

Let's Hear It For the Boys!

One of the many great things about being in Japan is that I’ve made friends with straight guys again. They’re sugoi! (except for the freakazoids of course). –I say ‘again’, but actually, for the life of me I cannot recall the last heterosexual guy I befriended. Nonetheless, the lads here are all really top-notch (pictured are Irish and J-Dub with yours truly at a Nichōme gay bar the other night). I get to learn about all kinds of useful things like changing flat tires, while at the same time playing Queer Eye for Shinjuku Honko telling people to wear tighter shirts (a large looks good on no one people!) and to exfoliate to prevent in-grown hairs when shaving. Who knew that straights could be so much fun?

I never realised that, other than sports and shopping, gay guys and straight guys have so much in common. I remember many an evening sitting around the 3-11 kitchen table, whilst Sly and Jenni griped about guys and occasionally interjecting “Why do boys suck?”, looking to me for some kind of enlightenment. I now must confess, in the cold, unblinking eye of cyberspace, that it was I who thought them crazy!

A sample conversation:
Jenni: “So, I was at this bar, and I see this cute guy, and he totally came over and tried to talk to me! What a jerk! Can you believe that!?”
Tintin: “Um, but didn’t you just say he was cute?”
Jenni: “Yeah, but I don’t want some loser to just start talking to me! Gawd! – I mean, who does he think he is!”

How you silly straight people ever manage to get anything done will forever remain an elusive mystery to me. Much less that men and women aren’t on the same page, you’re not even in the same library! I’ve never had a problem where me and whoever’s expectations were so different, or motives so incomprehensible as to cause me throw up my hands in a chorus of “Boys Suck!”

Now, do you ladies out there (and lads too), think that the men/women differences are so big as to be insurmountable, or do you think you’re just fast and easy with the “Boys suck” because it’s an easy and convenient scapegoat? –I’m genuinely interested to know what’s going on in those fine, foxy noggins of yours’, ladies.


Jase said...

Finally I have time in my busy schedule to stop by! Nice blog sweetie but I still think you're riding Jenni's coat-tails. And what will you do once you leave Nippon? Readers want answers. Oh, and if you could devote some space to me and posts pertaining to me I think you'll find your 'hits'(ooh, look at me with the lingo!) will sky rocket. Love your work. xx

jase said...

...oh, and what's with the limit on the number of 'characters' (lingo!) in the comments section? Colour me unfulfilled.

tokyo tintin said...

yeay! it's jase! i'm really glad to know you'll be reading my blog jase. one of these days, you'll have to break down and get a blog of your own too. --just think of all the hollywood gossip and lost theories you have to share with the world.

vis-à-vis departure from japan, i think you know very well that i could write for a lifetime about the crazy roller-disco that is nihon, and never even really scratch the surface. besides, i have an extremely interesting life that people are simply clambering to read about.

talk to you soon!


Jennifer said...

OK, come on, I never said anything like that!
I do remember, however, that whenever Sly and I we were consoling eachother over the stupidity of boys, you would always exclaim, "What you need - is to have more sex! Everyone should HAVE MORE SEX!"
I'm glad to see that you are metrosexualizing some of those straight boys, I'm sure they need all the guidance you can give them. Although, taking them to gay bars seems more like an attempt to convert the straight boys/tease the gay boys.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jennifer said...

Oh, and is that you Jason sweetie? How are you? How's home?
I have a whole pile of Lost episodes waiting for Tintin's return, so you two can talk about all the conspiracy theories you like after he gets back.

tokyo tintin said...

going to the gay bar was actually J-Dub's idea that evening. it's hard to argue with the economics of 'beer blast' (all-you-can-drink beer, three hours for 1000¥/10$). besides, gay boys love forbidden fruit!

vis-à-vis conversation; while we may have not had that exact conversation, the point is that you and sarah's approach to whatever situation just baffled me on many an occasion. you'd ask things like 'why would he do that?' and i would always think 'yeah, why wouldn't he do that? that makes sense to me.'

tokyo tintin said...

p.s. is anyone else creeped out by the fact that i look about 15 years old in that picture?

Miss Ash said...

I can see Jennnifer getting her feathers ruffled over some mans sense of entitlement to her :)

As for the whole "boys suck" conversation. Men and Women think in very different ways. So what a man will think is the correct thing to do or not do, a woman may see it differently. I've many a times muttered "asshole" regarding something a guy did. You all truly baffle me.

Chris Hendricks said...

While you could be forgiven for not knowing, I am in fact straight. So at the very least, you can say you befrended a straight guy in 1997-98.

Nice blog.

Jennifer said...

Oh yeah, beer blast, I loved that place! I got so drunk on the all you can drink that I'd have gone home with the devil himself. As it was, I just made an ass of myself singing karaoke, instead.
These 'straight' friends of yours strike me as too cute to be straight, also Chris Hendricks, you're kidding yourself, get a tiny gay dog and start wearing denim shortshorts and one of those leather civil war hats everywhere.
Kidding! Kidding!
If I ever get my own bar/restaurant, I'm going to have a big gay beer blast once a week too. Such fun!

tokyo tintin said...

as i live and breathe!! chris hendricks!! how are you?

you are indeed right, i was friends with you and a handful of other straight lads back in high school (though i have it on good council that at least one of them has since become a gay – how saucy!). then, when i lived in residence at uni, i was friends with one or two. then nuthin'! while this is completely typical of all other gay boys i know, i still think it’s a situation which needs rectifying’.

i'm definately resolved to make friends with some straights when i get back to T.O. --but i need to cross the great divide somehow (maybe john edward could help). obviously i don’t want to meet guys that are loosers, so that something obvious like going to a sports bar wont work. and anyway, i don’t have any shoes to wear with acid-wash jeans.

any other suggestions?

Jennifer said...

I don't know any straight boys, except my own boyfriend, and he's only hanging onto straightness by his fingernails, so you can't have him.
I want to meet some of these mysterious high school friends!

Miss Ash said...

I also think that you should make some hot straight male friends when you are back in Toronto....and then you can introduce them to me :)

I trust your taste!

Princess Pessimism said...

Your straight friends??? Ya. HOT!

jase said...

Jennifer sweetie it is me! I'm super...thanks for asking:) Home is the same old so I'm curently planning my triumphant return to Japan. What can I say? I'm a sucker for punishment....
Can I weigh in on tne straight guy debate & say that I've always found them to make the best friends. I totally dig the beer and sports thing and there's absolutely no possibility of having to go shopping for accessories. (no offence Dan...you know I was referring to my other...gay...friends....or something;) xx

tokyo tintin said...


i am shocked and dismayed by your implication that i shop too much! perhaps it is actually you who shop too little! we might have to take away your gay membership card or something.

if memory serves, you don't have a problem shopping for gossip magazines or zara jeans, so i don't know how you can have a problem with me going to the other side of tokyo three different times to try on the same watch.

besides, i'm worried enough about the shopping when i get back as it is, you don't need to worry me more about it. i'm going with kay, christine, claire and alanna to gotemba premium outlet mall next monday (payday), to stock up before i cross the fashion divide at the end of the month. at least this time, it wont be the lunatic dash through the stores trying to get everything in before the last bus back to hakone. should be good.

any of you t.o. ladies (or boys) up for some outlet mall shopping when i get back to canada?

sly said...

Dan doll, we'll shop 'til we vomit when you come back!

and in fact, there's already some fashionable beautiful things waiting for you here in a Holt Renfrew bag....

Jess said...

I'll do my best to introduce you to a straight guy or two once you're back... I can think of at least two of my male friends who are straight and in TO... Seems that I'm not really that good at making friends with straight guys. For the most part my male friends are gay and my female friends are straight... Maybe the straight male is just a species that is quickly dwindling in number ;-) Either that or I intimidate straight guys (or they intimidate me... hmmm)

tokyo tintin said...

sly-- mmmn, i can't wait! i'm wondering how holt renfrew stacks up to isetan or takashimaya. i'd never really bothered going in there before, so it'll be interesting checking it out.

jess-- yeay! a straight boy source! i am very look forward! how is the apartment working out so far BTW?

Jennifer said...

Jason, are you really going back to Japan? Wow!
Does that mean that there will still be call for mailing videotapes of American TV? Let me know. I'm up to the challenge, and I'm offering, so what's your poison?